School Anxiety and School Refusal: A Parent's Guide

If your child is anxious about school - or refusing to go altogether - you are not alone, and it is not a sign that you have done anything wrong. School anxiety is common, and with the right support most children come through it.

Recognising school anxiety

School anxiety often shows up as tummy aches, headaches or feeling sick on school mornings that ease at weekends. You might see tearfulness, trouble sleeping the night before, clinginess, or a child who used to be settled suddenly asking to stay home. In older children it can look like avoidance, low mood or anger.

Why it happens

There is rarely a single cause. Triggers include friendship difficulties or bullying, worry about school work or tests, sensory overwhelm, a difficult transition (a new school, a new class), or anxiety that has built up after time away from school. For some children it is linked to an underlying need such as autism or ADHD.

What you can do at home

• Stay calm and validate the feeling - "I can see this feels really hard" - without immediately fixing or dismissing it.
• Keep mornings predictable and unrushed. A visual timetable can help.
• Avoid long conversations about staying home during the anxious moment; talk it through later when everyone is calm.
• Keep the return to school as gradual and supported as the school will allow, rather than a single all-or-nothing day.

Working with the school

Ask to meet the class teacher or SENCO early. Good schools will put a plan in place - a soft start, a trusted adult to check in with, a safe space, or a reduced timetable while confidence rebuilds. Attendance matters, but forcing a very distressed child through the gate can make things worse; a plan agreed with the school is more effective than pressure.

When it is more than nerves

If anxiety is persistent, severe, or your child struggles in ways that are not visible to others, it may point to an unmet need. It can be worth exploring whether a specialist setting or additional support is right, and reading our guides on EHCPs and choosing a school for a child with SEN. Your GP and the school SENCO are good first ports of call.